eldiablorobotico.com

Now don’t let the title fool you, I loves me some AMC.  Hell, if anyone is visiting this site, you’d think all I did was watch AMC considering all two of my posts mention it, but I’m more of a casual fan.  That said, AMC sure has their finger on the pulse of white, early 30’s  male America.  Seriously.  When they’re not showing western or horror movie marathons, they’re showing action or martial arts marathons.  I don’t even stand a chance.  Case in point, tonight I came home motivated and ready to write something insightful and thought-provoking for the ol’ EDR.  “Right after dinner” I told myself as I plopped down on the couch to eat, mindlessly flipping on the television.  Tonight was going to be the start of  a series of internet shattering posts for this site.  However, I made one fatal error:  turning on AMC only to discover a “Missing in Action” marathon was about to start showing the entire Braddock trilogy in order.  Game over.

The ”Missing in Action” trilogy chronicles the adventures of Colonel James Braddock and his neverending quest to rescue American POW’s from the Vietnam War.  The series stars Chuck Norris as Braddock, “the American POW who WON’T go quietly!”.  I’m not talking about the hairy neanderthal Norris who made his silver screen debut as Bruce Lee’s punching bag in “Way of the Dragon”.  Nor am I talking about the caricature Norris who starred in CBS’s “Walker, Texas Ranger” for eight seasons.  And thankfully, I’m not talking about the salesman Norris who is schilling everything from the Total Gym, to Mountain Dew, to Mike Huckabee, to the Honda Ridgeline.  I’m talking the bearded, martial arts bad ass from the 1980’s!  The star of such 80’s classics as “The Octagon”, “Delta Force”, “Invasion USA”, “Lone Wolf McQuade”, “Code of Silence” and of course the “Missing in Action” trilogy.  That said, does it get any better than a 1980’s Chuck Norris marathon?  That’s a rhetorical question, of course it doesn’t!  It’s like Christmas for your fists and nuts!  So please understand if this post is a bit lacking in substance, but I’m currently immersed in Norris.

Before I go, here are a just a few of the innumerous highlights that consist ”Missing in Action” and the first hour of “Missing in Action 2: The Beginning”.

-Chuck Norris drunk, watching “Spider-Man and his Amazing Friends”!  Even Chuck recognized how good that show was despite Ice Man, Firestar and that little, furry bitch Ms. Lion.

-Chuck Norris in black bikini underwear.  RAWR! 

-Chuck Norris emerging from a river in slow motion unloading no fewer than 50 bullets in three Vietnamese soldiers who are still laughing over his apparent death via their rocket launcher.  They should’ve known it would take much more than a mere rocket propelled grenade to stop Chuck. Game, set, match:  Norris!

-Chuck devising a brilliant booby trap in which he carefully balanced a grenade (with the pin removed, but safety lever still engaged) on his jeep’s bumper before abandoning it, only to have the pursuing Vietnamese soldiers rear end his jeep hard enough to disengage the safety and detonate the grenade.  Apparently Chuck’s military training included a course in stereotypes.

-Chuck hanging upside down with his hands and feet bound with a burlap sack over his head containing a ferocious, starved rat which he kills with his teeth!

If these scenes alone don’t inspire you to get off your couch, buy or rent the entire “Missing in Action” trilogy and kick someone in the throat “just because”; you might as well buy your opening day tickets to the “Sex and the City” movie right now, Nancy.

“Did you ever hear that the devil built a robot?”

Why yes I did and that’s why this site exists. 

In case you were wondering where the site name and the above referenced quote originate, they are both from an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer.  The exact episode escapes me at the moment and I’m too lazy to bother looking them up, but the name caught my attention and I bought this domain immediately after the episode aired.  Given, that was some three or four years ago and I’m finally putting word to  screen now, but I can be quite the procrastinator so bear with me. 

No, this site will not be yet another of the thousands of Buffy fan sites on the web.  While I loved the show when it aired and own some of the seasons on DVD, I’m not that big of a fan.  This site will basically be a means for me to expound upon whatever interests me at the moment.  One entry may be a film review.  Another entry may recap some misadventure (often drunken) that my friends and I had gotten ourselves into the previous night.  There may be a band I think is worth listening to or book (or comic book) I feel is worth reading.  You can read about both here.   You’re getting the idea.  It’s just like every other blog out there, but hopefully I write about something that interests you from time to time.

While this is not the grandiose opening entry I had envisioned, it’s a start.  I’m going to get back to celebrating All Hallow’s Eve here in a minute, but wanted to impart a few thoughts on the holiday before I left:

1) Nothing and I mean nothing will get you in the Halloween mood faster than a midnight viewing of Disney’s “The Legend of Sleepy Hollow” with a cup of hot apple cider and a bowl of candy corns.  Nothing.

2) There is definitely such a thing as too many candy corns.  Trust me.

3) AMC must be applauded for their ”Monsterfest”.  Their programmers have done a great job of selecting a good cross section of the horror genre to ring in the Halloween season.  While I agree with a good 80-90% of their selections, there is one I must comment on “Dracula 2000″.  Here is my inaugural, one line movie review for “Dracula 2000″: 

Why didn’t you just call it “Dracula Goes to the Virgin Fucking Megastore”?  Seriously. 

So technically speaking that was two lines, but I’m still working the kinks out.

4) If Halloween is your favorite holiday, as it is mine, and you look forward to celebrating it every year, don’t get your tonsils removed October 26th.  Bad idea.

 OK, I’ve got some more cider to sip and horror movies to watch before the night is through.  Have a Happy Halloween, thanks for stopping by and hopefully we see you in these here parts again soon.

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