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Now don’t let the title fool you, I loves me some AMC.  Hell, if anyone is visiting this site, you’d think all I did was watch AMC considering all two of my posts mention it, but I’m more of a casual fan.  That said, AMC sure has their finger on the pulse of white, early 30’s  male America.  Seriously.  When they’re not showing western or horror movie marathons, they’re showing action or martial arts marathons.  I don’t even stand a chance.  Case in point, tonight I came home motivated and ready to write something insightful and thought-provoking for the ol’ EDR.  “Right after dinner” I told myself as I plopped down on the couch to eat, mindlessly flipping on the television.  Tonight was going to be the start of  a series of internet shattering posts for this site.  However, I made one fatal error:  turning on AMC only to discover a “Missing in Action” marathon was about to start showing the entire Braddock trilogy in order.  Game over.

The ”Missing in Action” trilogy chronicles the adventures of Colonel James Braddock and his neverending quest to rescue American POW’s from the Vietnam War.  The series stars Chuck Norris as Braddock, “the American POW who WON’T go quietly!”.  I’m not talking about the hairy neanderthal Norris who made his silver screen debut as Bruce Lee’s punching bag in “Way of the Dragon”.  Nor am I talking about the caricature Norris who starred in CBS’s “Walker, Texas Ranger” for eight seasons.  And thankfully, I’m not talking about the salesman Norris who is schilling everything from the Total Gym, to Mountain Dew, to Mike Huckabee, to the Honda Ridgeline.  I’m talking the bearded, martial arts bad ass from the 1980’s!  The star of such 80’s classics as “The Octagon”, “Delta Force”, “Invasion USA”, “Lone Wolf McQuade”, “Code of Silence” and of course the “Missing in Action” trilogy.  That said, does it get any better than a 1980’s Chuck Norris marathon?  That’s a rhetorical question, of course it doesn’t!  It’s like Christmas for your fists and nuts!  So please understand if this post is a bit lacking in substance, but I’m currently immersed in Norris.

Before I go, here are a just a few of the innumerous highlights that consist ”Missing in Action” and the first hour of “Missing in Action 2: The Beginning”.

-Chuck Norris drunk, watching “Spider-Man and his Amazing Friends”!  Even Chuck recognized how good that show was despite Ice Man, Firestar and that little, furry bitch Ms. Lion.

-Chuck Norris in black bikini underwear.  RAWR! 

-Chuck Norris emerging from a river in slow motion unloading no fewer than 50 bullets in three Vietnamese soldiers who are still laughing over his apparent death via their rocket launcher.  They should’ve known it would take much more than a mere rocket propelled grenade to stop Chuck. Game, set, match:  Norris!

-Chuck devising a brilliant booby trap in which he carefully balanced a grenade (with the pin removed, but safety lever still engaged) on his jeep’s bumper before abandoning it, only to have the pursuing Vietnamese soldiers rear end his jeep hard enough to disengage the safety and detonate the grenade.  Apparently Chuck’s military training included a course in stereotypes.

-Chuck hanging upside down with his hands and feet bound with a burlap sack over his head containing a ferocious, starved rat which he kills with his teeth!

If these scenes alone don’t inspire you to get off your couch, buy or rent the entire “Missing in Action” trilogy and kick someone in the throat “just because”; you might as well buy your opening day tickets to the “Sex and the City” movie right now, Nancy.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, May 13th, 2008 at 10:46 pm and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.